Ghosts of Ice Cream Past

Confession: I cried the other day because I wanted ice cream so badly.

I really did.  I cried.  It wasn't a grocery store tantrum of a 3 year old when mommy sas - Not this time sweetie, when asked if we could buy ice cream.  It wasn't like that at all! I have my very favorite kind of ice cream in my ice cream in the freezer right now. It, and other kinds have been in the freezer for some time.  I have no problem with it.  My family is very supportive and generally eat what I make for dinner with no complaints, but they did not sign up for this lifestyle, so I buy icecream for the weekends, or make biscuits and gravy from time to time.   I love them and they deserve it! 

But the other night, I spiralled down, into the depths of my addiction and woke up craving that stupid ice cream. Delicious Farr's Mint Chocolate Chip.  I lay in bed and thought of that evil evil minty goodness, and the more I thought of it, the more it became an obsession.  After 2 HOURS of this, I still had not gone to the kitchen, because I CAN DO HARD THINGS! I even yelled at myself! Gabrielle STOP! but the problem is, you see, is I waited too long to tell myself to stop. I was already in such a state.  Then, cue the tears.  I cried.  I dont know if it was because I was not eating the ice cream, or if was because I was in a head space that was so hard, but cry I did. What made all this craziness end?  Prayer. A plea for heavenly help.

The ice cream is still in the freezer, not being eaten by me.  And it is ok.  I do not want it anymore.  This is just a battle I  will have to fight. I will need help, clearly.  But I can do this.

I also have finally started walking again! 2.5 miles a day.  It is much harder than it was before... being in bed, practically dying for 4 months can do that for you...but I am loving it!

And I wore my husbands workout shirt to walk in, and it was not even tight!

Pain

I am in a constant state of pain.  Before I started trying to lose the weight this time, I was in pain because of inactivity.  

Huff Puff Huff Puff up the stairs. 

Huff Puff Huff Puff in and out of the car.  

Huff Puff Huff Puff on a flat surface!  

I would walk down the hall and want to take a rest.  Talk about  not being able to "Run and not be Weary!" 

Now my pain is from all the walking I have been doing!  My sister and her husband bought these little wrist bands called a Jawbone.  After spending a week with her on our vacation, I wanted one too.  It is similar to a Fitbit, but much more affordable!  I bought one and the first few days, just did my usual thing, and was quite ashamed of my behavior!  I was only walking 1700-2000 steps per day.  I also was not getting very much deep sleep.  I couldn't believe how sedentary I was and just HOW out of shape I was.  

The Jawbone has helped me feel so much more accountable.  I started striving for more and more steps.  At first it was hard to get 5,000 a day, but after reaching 7,500 consistently for a few weeks, I dug in, and decided I would get 10,000 steps, every single day.  

Since May, this has been working, and my average steps per day is over 13,000 at this point.  I go on a few walks per day, but I notice that I have more energy to get my housework done, go a few extra places, and by the end of the day, I do not NEED to go on a 3 mile walk to get all my steps in.  I still go on the walk, because I NEED the exercise.  

I feel happier, stronger, and I can climb my steps without being out of breath! I can get out of my car without sounding like I may die, and I do not get out of breath on my long walks, until I have gone for 15 minutes or so! Its so fantastic.

However, there is pain.  My knees always hurt. My feet, my thighs, my butt.  I know its a good pain, but its pain none the less.  Want to know how I feel about my pain?  I LOVE it!