Eyes

When I look out on the world, I do so with the Green  eyes that I was born with.  

The world looked as it does to a child, in my youth.  But as I am older, I can see the world for how it is, and how I choose to see it.  Some times I choose to see it in my happy little bubble.  The one thing I always saw the same, was myself.  I am smart, funny, beautiful, clever, kind, thoughtful, loud, and crazy. 

  I still see myself as that fun young lady who sees optimism all around her.  The world is beautiful and I am happy to be part of the Earth! 

Then I will sometimes see myself as the world must see me.  This is a sight I try to avoid.  I am sure I look sloppy, careless, and obese.  I will get down on myself, beating on my psyche, and feeling the self hatred that comes with those thoughts.  But its only for a moment!  That is not me! That is who the Adversary wants me to see. How Satan can enter our thoughts so!  Thankfully, I can PUSH HIM OUT! 

I am me!  I am not my weight! As I lose this fat that has hindered me so, I do it knowing that I was awesome with it, and without it!  I still can choose kindness and love, as I have always have.  I won't forget that the eyes who have loved me best, through the (or I should say MY) Thick and thin of it all, are the eyes of my loving husband, and the Savior Jesus Christ.  I need to remember to always see myself that way.  

I always used to say that I did not mind the weight.  OF course I minded it, but what I mean by that is - I would rather be happy and fat, than sick and unhappy!  I still truly believe this!  I, unfortunately,  have crossed the threshold to unhealthy.  My body is falling apart, and losing weight will SAVE me.  Am I afraid of losing my spunky lil' self? You bet! But I have always been her, and I have a feeling I still will be!  I always grab onto some addicted behavior.  Gaming and Food.  I was strong enough to overcome my gaming addiction, and I can do this Food Thingy...I am sure I will be grabbing on to a new thing, and I hope its walking!  I have even already been transitioning to that!  I was upset on August 7, but instead of grabbing a brownie, I went on a 4 mile walk!  (Seriously, be super impressed!)  I am praying that this is how I beat this obesity thing, by walking it off.  I can.

I hope I do not see myself as an obese woman for the rest of my life, or a thin woman for that matter, I hope I see a woman who is trying, moving upward, to be a good wife, mother, grandmother, friend, servant, and daughter.  That is what I hope this surgery and weightloss will do for me,  Help me to see with the eyes I usually see out of, the Green Eyes that I always thought were kinda Special.  

For WyN