I still have all the problems and all the things

My weight loss surgery was just a tool.  It wasn't like a little flathead screw driver, it was more like a  power drill

 but it was a tool none the less.  I still fight my addiction.  Every day, in fact, it seems like the old beasts are even more mean and ferocious, not that I haven't lost 165 pounds and feel so much better or anything.  I have not weighed this little since the year 2000, and at that, I had just lost 85 lbs and only kept it off for about 8 months.  before that, I was pregnant with my first, so...1995.  I look in the mirror, and after the initial shock, which really is,
  EVERY SINGLE TIME, 
I think, I am doing great, I can eat this cruddy food or that, its just a bite after all.

Yeah- that happens, all the time.

I am not fixed.  I probably never will be.  I have my power drill, but I still have to use my food diary, like everyone else.  I have to work out.  Like everyone else. I do NOT have a problem with that one, I love working out, but I think I need to bump it up even more. 

I have to tell myself this stuff everyday!  I wish I would have been "fixed," but I guess that my flaws give me power.  Give me hope, and keeps my feet on the ground.  I can't be perfect after all.
(I am a funny girl, aren't I?!) 

But holy cow!  I Feel amazing! So amazing! Did you know that people are not in pain 24 hours a day? I didn't know this!  I had no idea.  I have kept the Advil company on business for the last 10-15 years! I look 800 mg every 8 hours for that many years!  I was always hurting!  But, yeah, I never hurt! I do admit that my knees ache for an hour or so after my run 2 days a week. (remind me about that running, I will need to tell you about that!) But generally, that is the only pain I have now.  I rarely have headaches, never any heart burn, and my feet??!!!  I guess people who stand most the day, can function! Because I sure can! They never hurt!  I bet Advil has taken the hit, and can feel my loss!

Ha ha! I am good with that!  Miss me all you want! 

It makes me dealing with my addiction and my mourning of soda, candy, and sweets, ok.  it also makes my hair loss and my brittle nails bearable too. (but I see hints of their recovery also.)

I am still broken, but I am working on that everyday too.

 This is what 5 pounds of fat looks like.  I had 33 more of these on my body than I do now.  That freaks me out.  like a lot.